Jones

Jones may be a midget but gosh darnit, he's the alpha. How dare Charmin use his head as a stepping stool?

Actually, he's quite a character. He's so tiny and scraggly he looks like someone built him out of toothpicks and pipe cleaners but he's got one heck of a set of balls on him (figuratively speaking). We should really rename him "No Fear." I can't believe the guys he decides to pick fights with. Wow!

But what he's obviously not got in size and power he's certainly more than made up for in agility. He makes the hyperactive girls seem pathetically slow. But in being so agile, it seems he's also become quite the role model. You see...

When the Slug Three (Seedl, Schweez, and Charmin) met Mr. Jones all they wanted to do was sniff him. It's only polite to proffer your ID card. But not Jones. Jones was too busy screaming about all the potential harm they may inflict on his big manly self. And when any of the Slug Three got closer, off he went! If there was a Rat Olympics he would undoubtedly win both the cage-wall scaling event and the ratlet leap.

Well, that just made the Slug Three want to meet him even more. Imagine three furry and quite ample bottoms trying to scale their way up the cage wall. But Jones was at the top, 4 feet up, and hanging on. Schweez, Seedl, and Charmin were off to the races: Seedl stopped, exhausted, 6 inches off the ground, Schweez gave up soon after, and Charmin made it a full foot before he became tired. But Charmin wasn't ready to give up. But for every inch he made upward he slid down two. Poor guy. You can still catch Charmin practicing every now and again. He's almost reached that 2 foot mark (Watch out, Jones!) *snicker*

By the way, Jones now accepts Seedl as a fine step-on-stool (apparently not everything is easily accessible from the cage walls) and Schweez, he tells me, is a fairly decent pillow. He's not sure what to do with Charmin yet, though. Osmo, his planet, has instructed him to fetch him from the side of the cage but every time he climbs up the walls, he finds that he's flown past him.

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